Sunday, December 31, 2006
Track 11: In Her Eyes - Josh Groban
December 31st.
Up until yesterday, this date was my most detested date of the year. But after talking to some friends over supper last night, my opinion may have changed slightly.
I used to hate New Years Eve because it seemed to be all about staying awake as long as you could, just because you had to. I didn't get why the changing to a new day was such a big deal. I mean, the 1st of a new month happens 12 times a year. Doesn't seem so special to me.
But then Amanda pointed out how New Years always meant the chance for a new start. She said she's always seen it as an opportunity to start out with a clean slate. She said she hasn't forgotten the past, she's just chosen to not let it drag her down anymore, and the New Year is a blank canvas just waiting for her to create her story for the year.
As Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gabels one said, "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it". Perhaps that's what New Years Eve means to so many people, and maybe that's how I should start looking at it. Everyone wants to start anew sometimes. Even me.
Up until yesterday, this date was my most detested date of the year. But after talking to some friends over supper last night, my opinion may have changed slightly.
I used to hate New Years Eve because it seemed to be all about staying awake as long as you could, just because you had to. I didn't get why the changing to a new day was such a big deal. I mean, the 1st of a new month happens 12 times a year. Doesn't seem so special to me.
But then Amanda pointed out how New Years always meant the chance for a new start. She said she's always seen it as an opportunity to start out with a clean slate. She said she hasn't forgotten the past, she's just chosen to not let it drag her down anymore, and the New Year is a blank canvas just waiting for her to create her story for the year.
As Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gabels one said, "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it". Perhaps that's what New Years Eve means to so many people, and maybe that's how I should start looking at it. Everyone wants to start anew sometimes. Even me.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Track 10: Windows in the Skies - U2
The shackles are undone
The bullets quit the gun
The heat that’s in the sun
Will keep us when there’s none
The rule has been disproved
The stone it has been moved
The grave is now a groove
All debts are removed
Oh can’t you see what love has done?
What it's done to me?
The bullets quit the gun
The heat that’s in the sun
Will keep us when there’s none
The rule has been disproved
The stone it has been moved
The grave is now a groove
All debts are removed
Oh can’t you see what love has done?
What it's done to me?
Christmas has been nice. It's been quiet and slow. Gifts were nice. A dig(ital) cam(era), some box sets, CDs, chocolate, mittens, the usual. I've watched all of "House: Season 2" and I'm almost finished "Scrubs: Season 1". I'd forgotten how funny that show is. I still have six seasons of "Friends" to watch, plus "Dawsons' Creek" and "Party of Five" with Kayla, so I doubt I'll be stuck for something to do for a while.
Today was my last day as a Reitmans employee. I stole a magnetic tag to put in my memories box to mark the end of my first real job. I'm not going to miss it. It was hard on my feet and back, and sales associates really don't get paid enough for the amount of work they do. But I will miss the people I worked with, because they were really, really good people. I've learned a lot from working there, mostly how to bite my tongue and to listen to my superiors, and that I don't always know everything. I've also gotten to know some very strong and dedicated women, and I've gotten a very, very small taste of how hard some people have to work to support their families. I've seen women sacrifice their personal time in order to get more hours so they could give more to their children. Retail isn't really a glamourous job, but these women do it. I've met some really great friends, too, who I hope to stay in contact with for a while.
Tonight was excellent. Kayla and I went to Katharine's house and had a great time with some great people. Taboo, chinese food, cameras, and guitar hero make for one good time. New Years plans are also underway, so hopefully I won't be as anti-social this year as I have been in the past. Three stops are lined up (Glenn's, Steve's and the Temple), so it should be filled with good food, good people, and good times.
This U2 song is amazing. It pretty much sums up the power of God's love for us, and how it changes our lives.
Can't you see what love has done?
What it's doing to me?
Monday, December 18, 2006
Track 09: Unashamed - Starfield
Exams are done. I finished last Tuesday at 1:45 pm. Days since have been filled with late nights, sleeping in, birthdays, cake, baking cookies, gift-wrapping and various other Christmassy things. I've been working a lot, and I'll be working a lot next week, but I put my resignation in at Reitmans on Saturday, so as of 5pm on Dec. 30th I am no longer a slave to retail!
Last night we had a potluck dinner at church. There were so many people there that the gym doors had to be opened and tables flowed into the sanctuary. People were smiling and chatting and there were beautiful decorations on the tables and around the gym. Joanne had taped a piece of paper to everyone's back, and the idea was to go around and write something uplifting on people's paper so at the end of the night you could read nice things about you. As I sat there watching our church filled with people and laughter and love, I got really overwhelmed. Sometimes I get so caught up in what's wrong with our church that I forget about what's right. I sat for a short while in prayer, thanking God for not forgetting us even when we forget him, and thanking him that he's not done with Mount Pearl Citadel yet.
After the potluck was a time of Lessons and Carols in the sanctuary. That was beautiful too. There were so many times that I was completely overwhelmed with the Christmas story that I had to hold back tears. Rochelle, who's pregnant, sang "Breath of Heaven: Mary's Song", and while she was singing I kept picturing myself as Mary. Imagine, a girl, probably younger than me, suddenly finding out she's pregant with God's Son. And she's still a virgin. Just thinking about that took my breath away. How confusing, how overwhemling, how scary that must have been! And then I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that God put himself on earth in human form. In human form. He came to earth in such an unholy way: hay, animals, dirty, messy. He came as a baby, the smallest and most weak form of a human. And I was thinking about how horrible humans are sometimes, and what ugly and mean things we do to each other and to ourselves, and I was so humbled that God came down to be one of us, to live the life that we live, to feel what we do, so he could know what it's like first hand. How awesome is that?
How awesome is that?
Last night we had a potluck dinner at church. There were so many people there that the gym doors had to be opened and tables flowed into the sanctuary. People were smiling and chatting and there were beautiful decorations on the tables and around the gym. Joanne had taped a piece of paper to everyone's back, and the idea was to go around and write something uplifting on people's paper so at the end of the night you could read nice things about you. As I sat there watching our church filled with people and laughter and love, I got really overwhelmed. Sometimes I get so caught up in what's wrong with our church that I forget about what's right. I sat for a short while in prayer, thanking God for not forgetting us even when we forget him, and thanking him that he's not done with Mount Pearl Citadel yet.
After the potluck was a time of Lessons and Carols in the sanctuary. That was beautiful too. There were so many times that I was completely overwhelmed with the Christmas story that I had to hold back tears. Rochelle, who's pregnant, sang "Breath of Heaven: Mary's Song", and while she was singing I kept picturing myself as Mary. Imagine, a girl, probably younger than me, suddenly finding out she's pregant with God's Son. And she's still a virgin. Just thinking about that took my breath away. How confusing, how overwhemling, how scary that must have been! And then I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that God put himself on earth in human form. In human form. He came to earth in such an unholy way: hay, animals, dirty, messy. He came as a baby, the smallest and most weak form of a human. And I was thinking about how horrible humans are sometimes, and what ugly and mean things we do to each other and to ourselves, and I was so humbled that God came down to be one of us, to live the life that we live, to feel what we do, so he could know what it's like first hand. How awesome is that?
How awesome is that?
You came down from Heaven's heights
To greet me face to face
And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy to call upon your name
But because of Your grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed
To greet me face to face
And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy to call upon your name
But because of Your grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed
Monday, December 11, 2006
Track 08: Rockin' on Top of the World - Steven Tyler
What an inappropriate song for how I'm feeling.
Every time I go to write about how I feel, I don't want to. But I do, because it's therapeutic for me. But I don't, because I'm not sure how to put it into words. I think I want it to sound different than it does. Around this time of year I always get the same kind of feeling, like I'm being smothered.
Every time I go to write about how I feel, I don't want to. But I do, because it's therapeutic for me. But I don't, because I'm not sure how to put it into words. I think I want it to sound different than it does. Around this time of year I always get the same kind of feeling, like I'm being smothered.
I'm being smothered by exams. I hate how I lose sleep and get crooked and snappy and grumpy at people who don't deserve it. I also hate how I have no motivation to study, and how exams make me want to throw up when I walk into them. I hate how I get stressed because I don't sleep and I don't eat properly and I never feel good about myself because I'm not working out and I'm wearing gross clothes. I'm being drowned in a sea of work, and I have yet to learn how to deal with it.
I'm being smothered by family. My grandmother is very, very sick. My mom has to take care of her, which makes her tired and sad and stressed. That then turns onto us, and she gets snappy at us because she's overtired and emotional. And then we get snappy back, and it's all for absolutely no reason.
I'm being smothered by work. I'm working more now than I have since May, and it's just a lot of stress added onto my already growing pile. Then there's the little thing hanging over my head telling me that I should tell Joan that I'm quitting, but I keep putting it off. I'm not sure why. So I feel guilty when I walk through those doors and they talk about January and parties and what will happen later with the schedule, and I feel like such a bad person for going along with it when I know I won't be there in a few weeks. I feel like they should know. I also feel bad asking for time off, even though I know I shouldn't because I need time to study, but it makes me feel awful having to keep getting them to switch shifts.
I'm being smothered by emotions. And it's totally my fault. I wish I could go back to how I felt in September, but somehow that seems so far away and like a completely different life. How can three months change so drastically? I feel like I'm drowning in myself. I keep over-exaggerating everything so much that I'm surprised my head isn't a balloon on my shoulders.
And the other day Kayla said to me "This Christmas I want us to see people and do stuff!!", which made me overwhelmed all over again. I do want to see people, I do. But I've suffered a lot from lack of breathing room, and I need some to regroup. I don't do well with too much socializing. I've done a lot more than Kayla has this semester, and now I want time to read and watch movies and sleep in. I want to see people I haven't seen much this semester - like the Chans and the Antles and Melissa and Laura and the Twinners are Winners. But I don't want to feel like I have to, because then I feel overwhelmed, and I want to stop feeling like that.
I think I'm finished...
...
Yes, yes I am.
I hope I can get out of this slump and start a-new in January.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Track 07: Joululaulu - Rajaton
I found this on a friend's blog, and as I read through them I got all warm and fuzzy inside. I thought I'd repost them to read later on and recapture this fuzziness.
Natural highs:
Natural highs:
- Being in love.
- Laughing so hard that your face hurts.
- Taking a drive on a pretty road.
- Hearing your favourite song on the radio.
- Lying in bed and listening to the rain outside.
- Fresh hot towels.
- Milkshakes.
- Bubble baths.
- Giggling.
- A good conversation.
- Finding $20 in your jacket from the previous winter.
- Running through sprinklers.
- Laughing for no reason.
- Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
- Telling someone that he or she is beautiful.
- Overhearing someone say something nice about you.
- Waking up and realizing that you still have a few hours left to sleep.
- Making new friends.
- Spending time with old friends.
- Having someone play with your hair.
- Sweet dreams.
- Making eye contact with a good looking stranger.
- Holding hands with someone you care about.
- Running into an old friend and realizing that some things never change.
- Watching the expression on someone's face as he or she opens the perfect present.
- Getting out of bed in the morning and being grateful for another day.
- Knowing that somebody misses you.
- Receiving a hug.
- Knowing you've done the right thing.
The last one can leave you with an ill feeling, too. It all depends on the day, I guess.
I watched the movie "Ever After" this morning (whilst procrastinating study). That movie makes me believe that love really does conquer all. I know it's just a movie, but sometimes films can do that to you. I guess that's the whole point of movies as an art form: to make you feel. Few movies make me believe in true love though, and "Ever After" is one of them. Others include Bridget Jones' Diary, Love Actually, and Finding Neverland. For some reason, these movies can take my breath away when I watch certain scenes, wishing I could feel for someone what these people do.
What a special thing to wait for.
